So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
