Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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