i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
