sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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