Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
