You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
