Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cockslap morals
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
