I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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