i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
