they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
