I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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