How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
