Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
