last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
