So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
