smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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