I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
