Im at strip club and am horny
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
