Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
