it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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