Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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