areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want her autograph on my taint
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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