hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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