I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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