Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize