The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
