Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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