I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
