I didn't shave. On purpose
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
