You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
did you just send me my own nude
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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