Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
