I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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