Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
