wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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