I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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