in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
