Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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