Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
