The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
