Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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