When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
