Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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