I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize