Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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