I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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