I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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