my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
