I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
