this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
