Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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