Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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