Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
