Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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