I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
