The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
