Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
