So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
