We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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