Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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