I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
