Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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