i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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