youre lurking in front of me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
