Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
