Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize