I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
