Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
