Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
