Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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