I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
