I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
