Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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