i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
